Unpacking the Power of a Five-Letter Word

Have you ever overheard a conversation laced with the word "shame"? Perhaps it was aimed at you, or maybe it drifted through the air, leaving a lingering whisper of discomfort.  This seemingly simple five-letter word carries a heavy weight. Shame can become a pervasive feeling, influencing our self-perception and holding us back from reaching our full potential in many areas of our lives. 

Early encounters with shame

For many of us, shame can be traced back to childhood experiences. As children, we are highly attuned to the messages we receive from adults, especially those we respect and look up to. A seemingly innocuous remark like "That's a shame" after a lost race or a disappointed "Shame on you" during a sibling squabble can leave a lasting impact. These external messages weave themselves into the fabric of our self-talk, creating internal narratives that whisper doubt and inadequacy through our lives. 

The brain and shame

Our brains are hard wired to learn and adapt.  The Reticular Activating System (RAS) a complex cluster of neurons acts as a filter, like the brains gatekeeper processing information and prioritising experiences based on what it deems most relevant, for our survival. When *shame* messages become prevalent, our RAS takes notice. It starts filtering out the positive experiences and amplifies those that reinforce feelings of shame and negative experiences become heightened. This triggers a downward spiral – a negative feedback loop where we start magnifying our mistakes, believing everyone hates us, and feeling utterly worthless. 

You Are Not Alone!

Some common shame triggers you might recognise:

Academic performance: Things like "You didn't apply yourself enough" can fuel the "I'm not smart" narrative.

Relationship failures: Hearing "What a shame" after a breakup can deepen feelings of inadequacy in love.

Career struggles: Facing rejection or missing out on dream jobs can reinforce the "I'm not good enough" belief.

Social awkwardness: Fear of judgment can make us shrink back, leading to us isolating ourselves further.

Triggers like these can, coupled with a shame-focused RAS, create a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Then we begin to avoid opportunities that can enable learning and growth, reinforcing the very beliefs that are holding us back. Such a clever way of our brains perception of keeping us safe, isn’t it. 

How we can shift our perspective 

The first step to freedom from the shame is awareness. Listen to the language used around you and the self-talk you engage in. Are there recurring negative themes of inadequacy? Once identified, we can begin to challenge these beliefs. Here's how: 

Reframe Negative Experiences: Instead of dwelling on mistakes and reliving them, view them as learning opportunities. "I didn't get the job, because a better one is around the corner."

Shift Your Focus: Place more of a focus on your strengths and accomplishments. By creating a gratitude list highlighting the good in your life.

Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, think about how you would talk to your toddler-self.

Replace Negative Self-Talk: Replace "I'm stupid" with "I'm capable of learning, every day is a school day."

Embracing your awesomeness

On the other side of shame lies a beautiful world of possibilities.

Imagine you have:

Confidence: to pursue your goals – what lights you up, with self-belief and a positive attitude.

Authenticity: to express your true self without fear of judgment, or the need to fit in.

Resilience: to have the ability to bounce back from setbacks with a strength and optimism.

Connection: to enjoy spending time building new and meaningful relationships rooted in authenticity.

Transforming shame with Hypnotherapy

Hypnotherapy can be a powerful tool to shake up the shame spiral. Through guided visualisations, we can access the subconscious mind and positively but gently reprogram negative beliefs. Hypnotherapy can help you develop a healthier self-perception, build self-esteem and inner confidence. At this same time as learning many coping mechanisms and developing strategic tools to manage any shame triggers and stay positive at the same time. 

Ready to flip the script you’ve been following till now?

If you find yourself resonating with the experiences described here, you are not alone. Shame can be a powerful force in life, keeping you stuck on the same treadmill, but you don't have to let it continue to control you. By recognising the shame spiral and actively working to shift your perspective, you can gain the freedom to embrace your true awesomeness. 

I am a clinical hypnotherapist passionate about helping individuals overcome shame and limiting beliefs. If you are ready to start your journey towards self-acceptance and confidence, please reach out.  I offer a free consultation to discuss how hypnotherapy can help you.

 Contact me, email: hello@healinghypnosis.uk or drop me a message - 07793824240